Amour ! Mot à sens divers

Joie d’été et drame d’hiver,

Mot intrus intrigue , s’infiltre

Mot-clé d’un récit sans titre.

Amour destination peu visitée

Pas à éviter

Qui se fait inviter

Qui jadis fut notre invité.

Pivot fut au monde naguère

Vital devenu à notre suffocant air.

Amour ! Ce tabou légendaire

Ce cauchemar des cavaliers en guerre.

Cette arme à double tranchant

Cette amie peu franche

Cet ami solitaire des nuits blanches.

Amour ! Mémoire des grandes peines

Souvenir fané de Verlaine.

Mot dénudé de simplicité

Equivoque , maître de rivalité.

Amour ! Cadeau empoisonné d’abstrait ,

D’un passé fissuré et parsemé de regret.

Résident des cœurs frêles

Rimé, pleuré

et majestueusement chanté par Brel.

Amour ! Médaillon à maints revers,

Etre faible à existence précaire.

Faible comme le cœur d’une mère,

Toujours tendre, toujours chère.

Amour ! Stigmate des princesses d’antan

Et malheur de celles de ce temps.

Conception des vierges médiévales

Fausse couche du monde actuel.

W.aziz 1986

  Broken After crossing all those bridges Lifting high all our goals Defiant of whatever consequences must be faced You break me. I perhaps am not to be left unpunished Tears and blood stained my failings Unable to be cleansed by guilt, So unwilling to hide amongst secrets, You became my Delphi, an oracle to ask  forgiveness to. Blinded in anger, mistrust and disappointment The only response was an attack. I raised the walls as my only defense While you, knowing or not, razed my soul to the ground. Now I look back at everything: Seeking help I was further humbled For here I was left unable to fend for myself. Inside me the bitter poison of resentment boils And as long as it resides within me I will not heal. Memories, not will, shall be my weapon against all fear Everything I remember, though painful, will cauterize my wounds.  Paranoia!!! making all that is appear like what it’s not.  suddenly friends appear foes  day turns to storms at night  Yet amidst all the craze a thread of anger remains Imagine all I’ve done - or so some say – without awareness… And now I’m awake Shadows between fear and hate that place I live in grow lethal with each passing threat So the only question which remains: Can you survive when intention is there?

Test me , try me
Poison tastes sweet before it kills
Did you plan Did you know
Judging actions what all facts shroud lies.
Scaring me , Searing you
Get rid of this fear and the haunting begins
Make a list of all those memories
and throw them in scattered shreds
to the fire, to the wind, in the earth, in the sea
there they’ll burn and fly and die and sail
but all return to me.
If I go down
Your fall is first.
And when I stop and there’s an end
You’ll never stop until you finally wake.

Rape of feeling, senses, thought
Diligently abused in small
amounts until only scars were left.
Yet perverted thought allows the
idea to remain that still the task is incomplete.
Revenge, a drug to roll on indefinitely,
courses through the veins,
swelling the brain and heart…
Medication cannot provide your cure, and
countless addictions merely aid to
blind eyes and mind already sightless.
Curse the past for having occurred and
curse the future for not bringing
the crazed justice so desired.
And one day, perhaps before it all kills you,
forgive me for having neither patience
nor emotion to care – for you yourself
exhausted its supply before.

Would I admit, given the opportunity,
that you had any effect whatsoever over me?
What is that old saying…”the truth will set you free”…?
Perhaps I’d take a modified version of that.
Acknowledging anything to one engulfed in anger
is so often a waste of time.
Emotion blinds enough in regular situations
and becomes deadly in times of heightened use.
A question of power and control comes into play.
Who has it – you or me?
Better yet, aren’t we better off without it?
Until the worm that eats away your senses
falls asleep or dies
My decision goes unchanged.
Admitting anything to one long dead
is an act I refuse to resort to.

How was I to know
That what they said was true?
Those elegists, long ago buried
Who sang of loss and despair.
Blamed and criticized for going mad
They sat alone outside of mind’s high walls,
Weeping and cursing as old men do
When rationale is finally lost.
But even those in modern day
Hid in darkness, away from the stage.
Why bother understanding one who’s lost their mind?
Insane, delusional,
high on chemicals dripping from their brains.
Take a pill – teach them to zone
Narc’ them up till nothing is left to cry.
Obvious answer?
So I thought…but now.
Now I see those visions too
I feel that wrenching pain
And mourn a loss I never saw before
Soaring above the stars in dreams
Knowing all the while that ground is but inches below
I laugh, I swear, I sob like no other
Caught in the chains of a virus that kills:
Destroys with passion, promising life
Allowing the blind to see
You can’t cure what has no existence
Although it breathes and grows and adapts
Yes – my mind is gone
My body in agony
A heart alone continues to beat
Oblivious to the fire that burns and eats at its soul.

Pointless tears
Self-abandon
Premature loss of something never had
Why bother going through the act?
Why bother making believe…
Not worth the time, not worth my effort
All charades – games but no rules.
Drop the curtain
and pull yourself off the stage
Since no primadonna can ever really survive the change.

Promises…to be kept
Continue to linger in the back of our minds
Spinning and churning with guilty precision
Waiting for the moment when all is fulfilled.
And if by some chances these go overlooked
Stashed away to accumulate dust
We find that ends never truly get reached
So blocked is their path with cloudy deceit.
Instead we continue in endless pursuit
For that which remains to be seen

Keep going… Keep talking
Dreaming, Thinking, Breathing, Loving, Living
Regardless of the pain
Nevermind the hurt
Keep it up
Because there is some reason to it all
There is an Answer
Just as there exists a Prayer
Try harder,
Don’t let go
I’m with you…

And all I want to do
Is find the Quiet
Tell them all to just shut up
No more going
No more talking, dreaming, breathing or loving
Only one direction exists
But too many voices
So much confusion.
I feel – Nothing you say
None of your reassurances or kind words
Can stop that
And now I know that I will continue
Even with you by my side
Because Dying is the one thing
We can all accomplish.

Night in March ! Morning for her
Hell will open in front of me. It ends in time
She learns survival and all I can do is wait
Shadows fall in flight ,all once had is lost
And still I’m between the gates.
Static sounds loud as screams
and your silence only amplifies my fear.
wretched movements close in on death
who are you killing? you or me?
do you even know…? mechanical clicking
driving me insane
no one here to turn to..only I can hear
my mind shuts down
slowly blocking all out
a fleeting thought does taunt me
- pull the fucking trigger –
because then I’ll follow too
at last it doesn’t matter because right now you’ve already won.
the dead don’t mourn  , they never care
they don’t sleep or laugh or cry.
I’m still awake refuse to hear you
refuse to listen to your screams
they won’t touch me you’ll never hurt me
both have now sworn an oath
the contract is in your hands
but the blood will always stain
my broken heart.

Am I a killer – out to destroy life
For the sake of what?
Is it me blocking all the exits
Leaving you no place to escape?
What of you?
You killed me first.
Never had to take my life to do it.
Open your eyes.
Finally aware of all the pain and hurt
perhaps you’ll actually see reality.
It’s not hidden in the shadows,
or spoken of in whispers.
The world is open all around.
Nothing prevents you from accepting.
Only your mind shuts out
what it does not want to know.
I merely pity you.
Nothing more.
I refuse to care about one who can not
choose to live on his own.

Pirated by my own life
My heart lies empty
Neglected beyond recognition
Alone amidst the sounds of nothing
A mind can ponder the endless void without a thought
Of emotion or feeling or truth
But that brain of mine lies ignorant still
Until the day my heart again is filled.

W.Aziz 1994

Images , colors ,no faces ..your feet stumble more

you start doubting in everything you like and adore

everything becomes nothing and everybody turns nobody

you are scared at the least and dead afraid

if just bad what is being told , heard or said

you’re puzzled at things you may meet first

yet eager to keep them back to yourself evermore

for people never soothe your aching wounds

you devise it and think it out using your very hands

for people be it male or female never care anymore.

Aziz 1987

Once a lonely child unable to play

And a sorrowful girl to sadness a prey.

Now brought from so far away

Into a new world,if I am to say,

To celebrate your first birthday.

Once as mysterious , I’d rather say,

As a heroine in a shakespearian play.

Now taken out _ from the sphere of yesterday

Into life, into the world worth of pray ;

Though I still rememeber you used to say

« Black are you the world of today,

grief you bring and joy you slay

sorrow you sing day after day. »

I forget not the fear you used to display ?

Fear of this world with which you disagree ;

And in my mind still keep what you say

« You ! ‘now-world’ have from no obey ;

not your subject nor am I your prey ;

give up false smiling at me to obey ;

no longer is hope my life key ».

I say ‘No’and ask you in a simple way

« Isn’t hope and love a hapiness ray

love’s everybody’s reason to stay

you’ll be happy and forever free

by fighting away your futile dismay.

So , have no Sibyl Vane’s wild fancy

In Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray

Mind not show you the way to spare decay :

Life is over when tears are the key ;

The future ,to me, is a monster I do not care to portray

And I take things as a little child may .

For everything is gonna be alright and ok

As went wise people unlike me…

W.aziz 1986

Espoir..

Il voyage pour se consoler

Dans un nid sur un arbre perché

Où gisent des petits abandonnés

Qui guettaient ses sourires

Qui sans lui seront sans être

Sans nul, aucun devenir.

Le rêve persiste et résiste aux péchés

Se nourrissants du passé, lien sacré

Où vit lumière et fut baptisé

Sous l’étoile bénie poètes maudits.

Bienvenu ! Toi qui est tant attendu

O toi qui ne cesse de m’éblouir

Avec tes rides infinies,

Avec tes sources inconnues

Qui illuminent ton âme immaculée.

Je sortirais des tristesses du temps

Pour meubler l’espace qui manque,

Et de l’éternelles écumes du temps

Qui se brisent sur ses mots creux

Qui éclaboussent les rives

De ce silence peu pieux.

J’escaladerais ces clôtures

De cette forêt vierge

Qui s’éclipse dans ma mémoire

Envahie par un quotidien

Sourd-muet qui se veut mien.

Voyageur de cette planète

Tant observée et scrutée

Pourras-tu chasser le gibier de cette jungle

Qui regorge de prédateurs ?

W.aziz 1992

Rays of light through fences round my heart leaking

Devouring the shadows of fear and sparing my shaking,

Planting nostalgic thrills of hasty sunset sinking.

Unwelcome tears stream down my soaked cheeks,

And sow misty illusions and teasing tricks

When a lass ever haunting my soul sighs and speaks.

With a slowly healing heart aching and bleeding,

A deaf past displayed a strong unyielding

Ans endeavored to cheat on my skill of eluding.

Chilly waves of memories digging my brains,

Drawing crimson narrow paths on my veins,

Leaving back dense hills of sorrowful pains.

Lonely eyes with burning tears dropping,

And a wounded mind swollen by weeping

I knelt down to beg way to her heart lupin.

An evil joy sought way to the gate of my time

And sentenced me to live lapses devoid of rhyme :

With no hints to decipher the realm of mime.

A huge cluster of ravens hardly flying

Veiled the sun and deafened me with shriek yelling

And nested on the torn side of my feeling.

My eyes closed, back deep in dark caves,

Saw ambitions wrapped in the future of old slaves,

Saw them sobbingly digging their own graves.

Soul music rhythms sewn with suffering,

Bound with strings of injustice darkness was bearing,

Entombing the lights aims of fear and scaring.

A widow’s mournful voice whispered over my fence,

Thrilled my silence,stole my smile and gave it sense,

Split my emotions , captured the reins of my defense.

Two lonely stars of a sore happiness rebeling

To join the sky of a love fortress crumbling,

And to fade away like a prisoner’s calling.

The blank screen on yonder high mountain

With laws of love miserably miswritten

Eagerly awaiting my correction and raising the curtain.

I am looking for my soul’s self not raving,

I am after the affection that orphan time is weaving

In unknown verses of famous posts still living.

Blues relating slaves tales with sung stories,

Involving my indifference to sail inside worries

And translating my steps into queer series.

Dream of a lasting peace is slipping away

Turning my steel hills into small heaps of hay,

Damping off the head of my imagination tree.

W.Aziz 1987

Some seek your shade

Some your colour green

few lose and no one wins

for all ignore your grade

some like your green leaves

fall apart and again like waves

Come out the way your ,

they will only to home lead

let they be weeds to my lake

willows ever green ,never foresake

you’ll end where you belong

where you’ll never feel wrong

where well two hearts can get along

No tempest would ever spare a tree

even prayed to on one’s knee

nor no waterfall high or low

would spare any shy willow.

W.Aziz 1991

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Shall you ever be strong

Shall we always be wrong ;

Your dawn looks no weary

And our sun snores in slavery ;

You suck the soul you lack

You sure leave nothing back ;

Even voltures starve on your land

You put to my being an end ;

No one escapes your will

The by-gone and the coming still ;

He who dares to mourn the past

Shall be trodden , he’s an outcast ;

And banned who seeks to know

Just breathes and swims in his woe ;

History smiles in our face

Sneers and snarls at our race ;

Dismantled now goes the ship

No mast, only slaves and a whip ;

No shipwreck in the old’s mind

But no goods could the young find ;

Puzzles , mysteries and white lies

Taught to the young to wash the whys ;

Big are you in the little’s eyes

And our sun swears never to rise ;

The young feels warm in your shade

While dreams in full bloom fade ;

Some feel , some fly, some flee,

Some have no idea of any plea …

Aziz

1990

Stepped into my dim life alone

To soothe my misty aching moan

Once rippled my feelings

And went to oblivion

Absent and present in my thinking

Once thought mine forever

And all soon eager to vanish

Leaving a burden hard to vanquish

Yet no sign of hope ever

This heart of mine weeps

And despair over me creeps

You disappointed like none

I cut love’s veins

And in the crowed moved on

Hatred knocked on

And thought she’d won I hated her

She hindered my smile

Sentenced me to pine And made me look vile

This soul of mine no more mine

In her shell once more in rime.

W.aziz 2000

Dead words promised in my veins

Shine to heal your severing pains

To maim your severed-to-be time

For wisdom is sought in Will’s rime.

Nightmares pregnant of wounds

Clinging with so many a hand

To my elequent silenced words,

Funeral crowds wailing at night

Majestically crossing left and right

The gloomy paths of my blood…

What a life early married to confiscation

And for life to be sold to oblivion !

A recluse of a time with giant strides

I see a sole mother to my sides

To tear up my senses in deafness,

And , for a death with no nothingness.

Deep shall I bear refusal roots

Of a consoling cynical indignation

And my dreams with no completion

Tatooed in my veins , dormant riots.

I find no ear to harbour my sound

And none to heal any of my wounds,

Painfully shall I bear the despondency

Of a time stumbling to look and never see.

Deaf-mute is my absence-presence

In a blood sullen autumn

And in your eternal absence

I’ll initiate myself , O freedom,

To the art of dying times a day _

I‘ll fling the dice for my way.

I beg the possibility of conquering

Those green meadows of silence

Where prisoner poets weave green verses

To win you to divorce your ignorance.

A second-hand soul mourning loud

To heal mine strewn with swords

Virgin still her spirit is in a shroud

For lack of passion in your love jars.

True passion I’d swear in every line,

All my every line , spiritual shelter,

Slides from so shine to so pine

Spouse of none , proud spinster.

In yonder forest where free birds

Enslaved to the seasons of her woods

Meseems never fail their holy rites

The time the sun rises till she sets.

I play chess and I drown my sins

In the darkness of your dead eyes,

In the storm of your dull clarity

To lose the game and be master to your mystery.

I rush off , I seek your fair doom

Wrapped in a shroud, my eternal home

Where bloody wounds of all time

Befriend my soul in false mime.

Eternally shall I ever break my fast

To yield to no ignorance tempest;

My soul shall trust to your poetic tomb

Her spirit, my apocalyptic womb.

W.aziz 1988